You’re sitting at your desk, and you know it’s time to go. You’ve said that to yourself over a million times, but this time you know, for sure, is real. You’re tired… you’re just so very tired. You’re parents pissed you off, like school wasn’t bad enough today. You go to get the rope, or the knife, or the gun or whatever you choose to use because you’re that desperate. You’re ready. You think of it as some game… the first one dead is the one who wins. No ones home, it’s the perfect time. You’re ready. If you don’t do it, you’re gonna look down on yourself even more forever. You’re just going to hate yourself even more. No one knows, no one will know… until tomorrow. Instead of getting a paper and a pen, you get the video camera out, along with a chair. You’re standing on the chair. You decided to go with the rope… you’re gone instantly and there will be no noise. One side of the rope is tied to the top of your fan and the other is already around your neck. You’re in tears, you know it’s for real this time. You turn on the video camera and just stare at the red light blinking upon your eyes. You start to mumble out a few words. “Mom and dad, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m sorry, but I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. Please don’t blame yourself, please. I love you both, and tell my siblings the same. I’ll see you all soon.” You say sorry to your best friend because you know you won’t be there for him anymore when he needs you more than ever. You say sorry to everyone you could think of… even yourself. You’re sorry for not being strong anymore. You’re sorry for breaking down. You’re sorry for putting them through so much pain in their life. You stare, once again, at the red light blinking upon your eyes. One foot is off the chair now as you begin to mouth the word goodbye. You have the remote control to turn off the camera in your hand. You clicked the off button and as soon as you see that light go off, you go off. Both feet are now off the chair… the chair is on the floor… the room is filled with silence. You’re dead. You’re gone. There is no going back. Everything is over. You don’t have to live in pain anymore… but everyone else will. What are your parents going to think? What about your little brother, or little sister? What are they going to do? You’re gone. You’re dead. There is no going back. You ended your life because the person of your dreams only thinks of you as friends. You ended your life because that one teacher was harder on you than anyone else in the class because she knows you’re the only one that is going somewhere in life. Your parents are home. They call your name telling you their home, just like they normally do when they get home…. but something’s different. You don’t answer. They get worried… you always answer. They come upstairs thinking your sleeping or showering. Your mom opens your bedroom door and screams at the top of her lungs. She instantly passes out. Now your little brother comes up after her. He screams “DADDY HELP!!!!” He runs over to you hitting your leg begging you to wake up. “WAKE UP, WAKE UP. PLEASE STOP WAKE UP”. But you don’t answer, you’re not waking up. You’re gone. You’re dead. There is no going back. Your dad comes running upstairs and all he could do is stare. He watches his baby girl swing back and forth on a rope. He sees the video camera and he sees the chair. But he doesn’t move. He’s stiff as a board. He cries…. Your dad NEVER cries. He picks up the phone and calls 911. He can barely get the words “My daughter committed suicide” out of his mouth. Your little sister stares at your dad. Your dad hangs up and your little sister jumps into your dad’s arms, crying harder than ever. She’s too young to understand completely, but she knows you’re gone. You’re dead. There is no going back. Everything is over. The cops finally arrive. They push your dad and sister out of your room and sit them in the living room. They take your body down off the ropes and lay you on the stretcher. They cover your body and out you go… just like that. You’re gone. You’re dead. There’s no going back. Nothing is the same. Two weeks have passed and your mom still stares out the window more than half of the day. Your little sister still hasn’t returned to school. Your dad is forced to go to work so he can pay all the bills for your wake and funeral. Eventually, they found to strength to go into your room. Your door hasn’t been open for months. The rope is still laying on the floor and the video camera is still sitting on the table. They don’t even dare to watch the video, it will never be seen. They slowly pick up the rope and throw it in the garbage. Chills run up their spine, your mom basically in tears. They brush off your bed, making it neat… like they used to do every morning after you went to school. Your bed was made and your room was clean. They shut the door, and it remained shut. Your school is still in distress. You thought no one cared and you thought no one noticed you. The girl that said no to being your lab partner, yeah she cuts every single night now because she thinks it’s her fault you died. The boy that tripped you by accident and didn’t say sorry, yeah he’s in suicidal therapy 5 days a week in a hospital because he feels a smile could of saved your life and he didn’t give that to you. The teacher that was hard on you that day, she quit her job because she felt she wasn’t suited to teach anymore. You’re gone. You’re dead. There’s no going back. 4 years have passed. Your little sister is now 15 years old. She started a club in her school dedicated to you. “Secrets” is what he calls it. The club is formed for kids to speak their hearts, without anyone judging them. They can say anything they want to, and talk about anything they needed to. If they were suicidal, they always had someone. That was your problem. You didn’t want to talk to anyone. You had everything bottled up inside of you. You acted as if you were the happiest kid on the planet and you had the perfect life. You played that character so well that even you started to believe it. You would be so “happy” and as soon as you layed in bed at night, the thoughts came back. A little fight between you and your parents could have set you off. But with everything inside of you bottled up for years, it hit your limits. You’re gone. You’re dead. There’s no going back. Your room will never be occupied. Your mom still cries every single night. Your dad isn’t as strong as he used to be. Your little sister will never grow up with you by her side moving her in the right direction. Your best friend is still torn up. Your school now has a club dedicated to you so teens will not make the same mistake you did. Your life was precious and you took it away in the blink of an eye. All you needed was a smile, that’s all you needed. But since you’re gone, just know people cared. People always have cared. You were just way too upset to see that. You were just too caught up in the fact that you thought no one cared… when the truth was, more people cared about you that you ever thought they would. Your town will never be the same. A girl is gone, a special girl who thought no one cared. Everyone cared. I promise you. They care, they always have cared. We loved you, and no matter what, we will still always love you.
(Source: rememberthatyouarebeautiful)
All In Fun: If KPOP Fandoms Were Cities
Blackjack City: Boomboxes on every corner, where the inhabitants wear crazy yet cool hairstyles, drive really fast in racing cars, and wear sunglasses, even at night. "I Am The Best" bumperstickers are on every car. A lot of inhabitants have families in A+ City but Blackjack City is very friendly with VIP City inhabitants.A+ City: Everyone is a ninja, every restaurant is a buffet, Engrish waffurs are the breakfast of choice, mailboxes are named Pigeon Folders. City is under the watchful eye of the much larger and powerful Cloud City.
Hottest City: Temperature is always 100 degrees so male inhabitants never wear shirts. Gymnastics are a required course in schools. Everyone starts their conversations by whispering 'JYP.'
Elf City: Everyone dresses in drag every Friday. There are no dogs: Only turtles are allowed as pets. Every morning, every citizen gets a "Good Morning Beautiful World" wake-up call. Sone City inhabitants love to visit very often. Many different neighborhoods within the city, including: M Neighborhood, KRY Neighborhood, and Happy Neighborhood. Radio shows are more popular than TV.
Baby City: Everyone has blonde hair. There are no dogs: Only bunnies are allowed as pets. Everyone also has a buddy robot. Everyone believes in aliens.
IAm City: Men are buff and dress as women when in public. Is the neighboring city next to Hottest City. Voice classes are mandatory after inhabitants turn 3.
B2UTY CITY: Everyone shuffle walks in their dancing shoes. When greeting someone for the first time, you must strike a Doo-pose. Fiction books are the only books read. Sometimes will mingle with A+ City.
Diadem City: Everyday they shufflin'. There are zombies that come out at night and you are not safe unless you travel in packs of 7. Native American costumes are forbidden.
Shawol City: Everyone eats nothing but chicken. Everyone is super curious and also greet newcomers with a "Hello Hello" in singsong voice. Sone City inhabitants love to visit Shawol City randomly. Dinosaurs, although rare, are the pet of choice. Dance classes are required by all residents the moment they can walk.
KissMe City: No one drinks water: Only Redbull is allowed for consumption. Pigeons are the pet of choice. 'Dora the Explorer' is the #1 most viewed TV show in this city for some reason. Everyone knows Korean and Japanese. Everyone's brain is connected directly to Twitter's server.
Andromeda City: Very young city that loves neighboring Noona cities. Love soup. Only Shinhwa songs are allowed to be played in public.
Sone City: Nothing but women. Men are not allowed in the city but Sone City residents freely visit Shawol City, Elf City, and Exotic City very often.
Exotic City: Everyone really loves their mamas. There are 2 moons over the city for some unknown reason. Monks chant in the streets and ninjas patrol the city at night. History is the only topic taught in schools. Two large neighborhoods: K Neighborhood and M Neighborhood. Trashcans in other cities confuse Exotic City residents.
VIP City: Everyone has multi-colored hair or hair extensions. Toy stores are a BIG deal. Only credit and debit cards are accepted by merchants: cash is thought dirty. Sharpeis are the pets of choice. There are no cars, only tanks. Nightclubs are open 24-7.
Cloud City: All men are ninjas. When it rains, every man takes his shirt off and goes outside for no reason. Poledancing is a required course in all schools. Is the larger, more advanced neighbor city to A+ City.
Angel City: Cats are the pets of choice. No one is allowed to wear anything that is NOT Evisu brand. Everyone drinks TiO tea and plays Mario Kart. Everyone chuckles "hyuk hyuk hyuk" when something is funny. Acting and dancing are mandatory courses in school. Used to be a part of megacity Cassiopeia City before the two cities were split.
Cassiopeia City: All inhabitants wake with the rising sun. Everyone is super tall and leggy. Dancing is a mandatory course in school. Next to Angel City, but the bridge that used to connect them was blown up and never repaired. Maybe one day it will be.
JayWalker City: Used to be near Hottest City and IAm City but relocated. Everyone has tattoos by their 10th birthday. Everyone has mandatory workout sessions from 3-5pm every day. Their minds, like KissMe City residents, are also hotwired to Twitter.
PrimaDonna City: Everyone wakes up with a "Good Morning Bob" wake-up call. "Kupai kupai" is the way to say goodbye. Everyone must learn to play an instrument. Dancing is discouraged but not banned. Right next to BOICE City, which confuses other cities because the two look like one big city and sometimes they cannot tell residents apart.
Dalmate City: Has the most E.R. facilities in the world. Car accidents are never fatal. Shirts are optional for all inhabitants.
BBC City: Derp capital of the world. Dreadlocks are required to be worn at least 3 months of your life. Kitties are the pets of choice. Known for it's large annual Cucumber Festival. Mixtapes are given away at every street corner.
BOICE City: Right next to PrimaDonna City. There is no border. It is common for inhabitants of both cities to get lost in the other city, and no one cares or notices, since everyone considers themselves a loner. Everyone can play the guitar. Busan accent is common for some reason.
PlayGirz City: Everyone learns how to band march in school. All inhabitants stay in the city until they graduate and then they leave. No one physically ages.
Inspirit City: Everything is synchronized and no one is ever late for anything. No matter what skill inhabitants are good at, they still practice it 6 hours a day. Rollover car accidents are common, but no one gets hurt, as all inhabitants are "jumpers": they can move from place to place within a certain yard radius with lightning speed.
